your parents love me but you hate me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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