I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
