So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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