Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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