My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
