Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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