the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize