Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
