chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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