I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
