If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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