At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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