Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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