I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
