Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
