I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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