Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
