Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
