I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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