Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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