idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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