i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize