all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
