How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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