In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
