I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
