You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
