OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
