So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
