my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it wasn't lemon gatorade
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
