Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
