watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
