the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
