He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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