why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
