Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
