You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
