Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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