Duck Duck Cougar?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
