He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
