marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
