mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
