Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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