so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
