PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
