she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
