I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
