So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
