Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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