I just pynch a tree in the face
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
