I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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