so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
