i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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