3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
