I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he thought i was a dude.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
