Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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