So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
