i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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