Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
