I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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