Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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