I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
