i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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