Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
