You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
