Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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