I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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