We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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