Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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