Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
