Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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