I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
