So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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